i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Let's get the cat blown out
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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