you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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