Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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