roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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