white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
