I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
