she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
