You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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