is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You don't make any sense
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