So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
