they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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