When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
