I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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