Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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