Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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