there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
