I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
