Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
