I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
