Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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