I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
