so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
