I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
