Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize