I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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