i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
