So drunk its hurt
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
