Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
sex in a hospital.. check
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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