when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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