In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
they call him Oral-B. enough said
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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