Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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