I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize