so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
