Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
