I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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