I showed him my bush... on skype.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
