Just fell off a train. Bad.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
two words: eviction party
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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