please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize