You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Apparently you make a good broom.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize