Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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