I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You dont lie about slip and slides
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
