brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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