new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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