hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize