im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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