We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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