I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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