we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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