you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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