my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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