I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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