Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
