We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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