Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
