screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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