You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
