You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
