my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
one might say we're banned from that church
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
