Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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