lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
