my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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