he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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