Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
