I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
