I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
