Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
