Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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